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Question:
My three year recently has been saying some really bad words and I'm not sure how to handle the situation. It really struck me when his sitter mentioned it to me as well. How can I get him to stop?
Answer:
Our words have power and it doesn't take long for a three-year-old to figure out which words receive the biggest reactions. Remember that your son doesn't choose his words based on their meaning (since whatever choice words he's using have probably not been explained to him). He's heard them. He tries them. They seem powerful - even though they get a negative reaction.
Try this. Practice some acceptable words when he's in a playful mood. Say, "Here are some words you can use when you're (frustrated, upset, angry, etc.) Try them with me." Then when he comes out with an inappropriate word say (in a VERY neutral voice) "That word is not a word we use. Try saying _____. Try it now." If he tries a new word say, "You did it! You found a helpful way to let me know that ___________." If he keeps saying the "bad" word, say, "When you're ready to use helpful words, I will listen" and let it go. The more you try to get him to stop, the more likely he is to see it as a powerful tool. Teach him a better tool and let him see that the old words just don't seem to have any power - but the new words do!
Question:
It seems that this generation of kids doesn’t respect their parents or adults. As a parent of a six and four year old, how do I teach and implement this in my household?
Answer:
Teaching children the values that hold importance to you will happen first as your children observe them in you. Children model and absorb our actions and attitudes more readily than our words. To teach respect, it is vital to show respect. To reinforce respect, it is vital to point out both the times when children have responded respectfully and graciously as well as when they respond inappropriately. When children respond inappropriately, stay focused on teaching the expected behavior rather than highlighting the disrespect. Instead of “That’s no way to speak to an adult,” say “When you speak to an adult it is important to say ______ (state what you do want your child to say).”
Continue to teach respect and children will learn through modeling, encouragement and your willingness to respectfully correct missteps.
Question:
I’ve just spent hours getting my 4 year old to go to sleep. He screams for me to come and then doesn’t need anything. By the end of it I’m yelling and he’s crying himself to sleep. How can I break him of this long, drawn out ordeal?
Answer:
There can be many contributing factors that can create bedtime issues. Generally setting up a consistent bedtime routine can help in reining in the bedtime hours.
- Make sure your bedtime schedule follows the same order each night. Even if you start at a different time, it is important to keep the steps leading to lights out in the same order. Our brains are pattern seeking devises and the patterns help us organize and accept the structure.
- Have a bedtime ritual to end your night. Reading a story together, getting tucked in and blowing a kiss from the door can become a ritual that your child will come to anticipate as the sign that it is now time for sleep. Stick with it.
- Consider adding some relaxation technique right after story time. massaging your child’s head or hands along with soft music or humming can help him relax his body and accept sleep.
Question:What do you do with a picky eater?
Answer:You can lead a child to the table but you can’t make her eat. You can, however, provide a user friendly atmosphere that will make it more likely that your child will choose to eat.
- Offer many smaller meals during the day instead of the usual three meals. Your child may be less intimidated when offered smaller portions. Offer healthy choices and keep it simple. Young children generally like to see foods in their basic form, not mixed in sauces or with other foods.
- Serve new foods with old favorites. As your child sees you enjoy a variety of foods and as new foods continue to show up, she is more likely to warm to the idea of giving it a try.
- Forcing food or bribing children to eat will backfire. Continually offer a variety of foods. Hold firm against junk food and - this is big - model good, healthy eating.